Seasons
by Blackson
Summary: Joel and Ellie go down a road of pain. Will they find happiness in each other? (This is my first FanFic so tell me if I'm doing alright or not)
1. Stranger (Updated)

(Ellie)

"So..."

It was about 7pm.

Ellie's mind wandered while she was having dinner with Joel.

A few months after returning to Tommy's, Ellie's suspicion about Joel's story grew.

She had asked the obvious questions like;_'Why didn't I get to see Marlene'_, which were answered by a quick and stuttery Joel. _'She, uh, didn't make it to the hospital'_.

The answers to her questions became more delayed, and more unbelievable.

"_Why was I wearing that gown? I thought they only put those on patients" I said._

"_This again? Yeah, they were just, uh, doing some tests on ya' "_

"_Why would they do tests on me if they stopped looking for a cure?"_

"_They, um," Joel was distant and he looked lost for words. He looked back at me. _

"_You took quite a bit of damage from the water, they just wanted to make sure nothing was broken"_

"_Oh" I said as I looked away from him._

_Couldn't they just check that when I was awake? I thought. _

Joel was clearly lying and Ellie could see it. When Joel lied he was usually so believable, but this was different. Ellie could sense shame in him. There was horror and fear in his words and she didn't know how or why. She did know one thing, she knew Joel was lying to her.

They were doing great thought, going about their new life at Tommy's. Joel and Ellie had became friends with most of the town. They had their own home, they had their jobs to do. She usually saw the Joel she knew. It was the Joel she cared so much about, the Joel she trusted with her life, who she knew would protect her no matter what. It's not like she needed protecting though. Joel convinced the others to let Ellie join them for hunting or scavenging. And boy, do Joel and Ellie make a deadly combination. He knew and understood what she was capable of. They relied on each other for help, support and comfort.

But when she remembered Salt Lake City or she asked Joel about it, he seemed so different, like a stranger, whenever she brought it up. She had to put her foot down, she couldn't take it any more, she couldn't -

"Ellie!" Joel shouted.

"Wha- What is it, sorry"

Ellie sprang back up on her chair, her head searching, then focusing on Joel.

"You okay?" Joel said softly.

"Yeah, sorry"

_I got to ask him now, I have to put a stop to this!_

Ellie looked up from her plate of food.

"Hey, I need to talk to you"

Joel raised his head.

"Sure, about what?"

"It's about Salt Lake City"

Joel's eyebrow raised and his face looked slightly worried. "Uh, yeah?"

Ellie gulped

"I know there's something you're not telling me. I know you're lying about something and I'm not sure why."

"About what?" He questioned

"About everything, why have you made up all these story's, about what happened"

Joel turned his head away

"Why would I lie? I've got nothing to lie about" Joel said as he gestured his arm.

"Stop with the bullshit!" Ellie raised her voice but kept it calm. "Just tell me what happened!"

Joel closed his eyes and took a deep breath . "I already told yo-"

"That's not what happened!"

"ELLIE!"

"Fine, if you can't tell me then I can't trust you!" Ellie pushed her plate forward and stood up. "Bye" She pouted as she walked up stairs.

"Fucking asshole.." She mumbled as she stomped her way up to her room.

"Jesus Christ..." Joel whispered.

He rested his elbow on the table, held his head in his hand and continued eating.


	2. Leaving

(Joel)

(-...-)

Joel finished off the last of his beans and began washing up the plates.

He was thinking, thinking of what he had to tell Ellie. He knew he had been slipping up at lying recently but he didn't know it was that noticeable.

_Shoulda' thought of a better story, fuck, I'm so stupid!_

As he scrubbed the plates clean he imaged the disappointed of Ellie's face.

_What if she can't live with me? What if she wants to leave?_

"Oh Christ..." He gave a small exhaled whisper. It didn't matter. He didn't know how she would react and if she left him then that would be his punishment.

He dried the plates and left them on the counter as he heard Ellie coming the stairs.

He walked over to her in the hallway.

"So...are you going to tell me now?" Ellie asked.

Joel opened his mouth to tell her everything. But he couldn't. He just looked at her with his mouth open imaging how she would hate him if he told her how he murdered the closest thing she had to a mother. And how he doomed the world to save her.

He couldn't do it. He just stood there for a few moments, gawking at her.

"I guess not..." She said as she looked at the ground.

"Ellie I-"

"No."

They stood for a few more moments.

Ellie picked up her bag and slung it over her shoulder.

"I-I can't be around you right now."

Joel was motionless, he knew what she meant.

"I hope you understand" She never looked him in the face.

Joel opened his mouth. His head was spinning but his body remained still.

He wanted to say something. He wanted to say what he truly felt.

"_Ellie please god no, please don't, oh god, pleasedon'tohgodpleasedon'tpleasedon'tdothispleasegod..."_

There was more silence.

She looked at his chest.

"Joel?"

"I, uh..."

_I should tell her, I should tell her right now I should-_

He cut off his own thoughts.

"I understand" He said in a husky deep tone.

He looked at her face, she was clearly unhappy he could tell she was relived that he didn't get in a argument about it. He understood that she can make her own choices.

"Where are you gonna' go?"

"I asked Maria in advance if I could go to their house and she said anytime I needed to, I could stay there."

"Uh, alright then. I'll walk you over to theirs.

"No, it's fine. I know where it is."

She was heading for the door.

_C'mon Joel this is your last chance!_

"Ellie." He blurted out.

"Yeah?" She turned around, still looking past him.

There were so many things he wanted to say. He wanted to tell her to stay. He wanted to tell her what happened. He wanted to ask her how long she would be. He wanted to ask her if they would still see each other.

But he didn't ask any of those things.

He just asked, "Are you gonna' be alright?"

He need a answer of some kinda desperately.

She didn't say anything though, she just gave a nod to the ground and left.

No goodbyes.

_T__his is all my fault, why didn't I say anything!?_

At least he knew she was in good hands.

But his head was still buzzing with questions.

_What if it's forever? What if I've lost her?_

_No! She's going to be fine. _He reassured himself.

(-...-)

Joel came back to the house. He went out to check if Ellie got to Tommy's and Maria's and got a bottle of whisky from Steve's house.

_God dammit. _He thought.

He sat on the Sofa with the bottle of Whisky and took a swig. He didn't need a glass if it was all for him. He began to think.

He put his hand on his temple.

_I can't tell her. _

_I'd rather her be angry at me, then hate me. _

He took a swig.

_It's not like I'm never gonna' see her, she's right here. And I need to go 'round Tommy's sometimes anyway. _

_Maybe she'll come back tomorrow?_

_Or maybe I should just get some balls and tell her!_

He took another large swig of whisky.

_Fine, next time she wants to talk about it I'll tell her I have to._

_Its gonna' be fine, Its gonna be fine..._

(-...-)

Joel woke up on the sofa.

_Fuck, didn't mean to sleep here._

_Where's Elli-_

He stopped himself and remembered.

He sighed and took off brown T-shirt which he got whisky all over.

(-...-)

Joel had changed into his short sleeve denim shirt.

He was half way through his shift on the wall. It was alright, not much to do but it gave him sometime to think.

Joel did mostly guarding and construction work. He did some occasional hunting and scavenging when they needed him. He was almost always needed for big operations. Despite his age, Joel was a much more effective fighter than everybody else and for that, he was only used when he was needed.

He had not seen Ellie all day which he was not surprised by but he was still worried about her.

"Hey, Joel!" A woman named Laura called.

"Yeah?" He called back.

"Your shift's done, I'll take over for ya'."

"Thanks"

"See ya' later, handsome."

Laura was a nice, pretty women with a very strong Boston accent. She knew how to protect herself and was great with a rifle, but not many other weapons.

Tommy told Joel that she had been into him for a while, but Joel wasn't very interested. She was a great woman but he didn't need one. Ellie was all he needed.

Joel tried to keep his thoughts away from Ellie for a while.


	3. Left

(Ellie)

Tears filled Ellie's eyes as she left.

It wasn't easy for her to leave but she didn't see Joel as her Joel anymore.

_When he tells me I'll go back._ She promised herself.

She rushed to Tommy's and Maria's house and gave the door two hard knocks until it was opened by Maria.

"Hey Ellie, you alright" She cheerfully asked. But she then noticed the tears in Ellie's eyes.

"Maria," she sniffled and wiped her nose with the back of her hand. "Can I stay here for a while please." Her voice sounded weak and sad.

"Oh of course you can, Ellie, come in."

She touched Ellie's back and gently lead her inside.

"What happened?" Maria asked worried

"Joel's an asshole."

"Why?"

"He's lying about Salt Lake City, he lied about the Fireflies and he won't tell me the truth." She said in a frustrated tone.

Maria wrapped a arm around her side and gave her a squeeze as they walked into the living room. "Don't worry, you can stay here for as long as you want, okay?"

"Thank you, I don't want to be annoying, I just can't be around him" _Oh god, I must sound like such a wimp._ Ellie thought.

"I completely understand Ellie. Trust me, you're not acting crazy, he is."

Ellie looked up at Maria and gave her a trusting smile.

"I'll talk to him about what's going on, but right now I'm going to get the guest bed ready for you." She said as she sat Ellie down on a chair.

"Tommy." She called.

Tommy was sitting on the couch with his feet on the coffee table, watching some movie on his cassette player. He had being looking at them walk in anyway.

"Ellie's gonna' be staying with us for a while."

"Sure thing, but what's all this noise about Joel?" He looked at her puzzled.

"I'll tell you about it later. But I gotta' do something, I'll be back in a minute." Maria said as she left the room.

Ellie looked at Tommy in his sweatpants and t-shirt.

"Sorry to intrude." She said not wanted to feel like a pain.

"Don't worry about it, Ellie."

She looked at the screen and saw two British people in suits talking.

"Hey, what movie is this?"

"Uh, Goldfinger"

Ellie looked at him confused.

"You know...James Bond?"

"Oooooooohhh"

"I've heard of him, I just didn't know that it was a movie."

Tommy chuckled.

"You eaten?"

"Yeah, thanks."

Ellie relaxed and watched intently as the grey haired man pointed and talked about different switches under the arm rest.

"Smoke screen, Oil slick, rear bullet proof screen and left and right front wing machine guns." She tried hard to listen to the poor quality video.

"Whoa." She gazed. "Did cars have that stuff?"

Tommy laughed "Hahah, no Ellie, it's just a movie."

(-...-)

Ellie was lying in the guest bed.

It was different, it didn't feel right knowing Joel wasn't there. She felt scared and she felt alone. She shut her eyes and began to picture Joel and how he was dealing with it.

_I won't be mad, why can't you just tell me!_

She turned over on her side and hugged herself. It had only been a day and she missed him. She missed talking to him and feeling safe.

"Oh Joel..." She whispered as she stroked herself through her panties.

_No! I'm not supposed to be thinking of him like that anyway! _

She did have something for Joel, but at this point, she wasn't sure what it was.

She tried suppressing the feeling for a while, after talking to Maria about hormones and other girl stuff. But she didn't feel like it was a crush, it was something more.

_He told me, his self that we don't have a father-daughter thing. So is it alright?_

_No of course it's not alright!_ The other part of her conscience cut in.

_He's your friend and he's like 40-something._

She was angry at Joel but felt this way at the same time.

"Oh, man." She whispered as she put her hands on her face.


	4. Haze

(Joel)

_She still ain't here..._

Joel sat in the living room, thinking.

_Four weeks and she still ain't talked to me once..._

Joel got up and looked out the front window, bottle of whisky in hand.

It had been four weeks since Ellie took her break from Joel. Four weeks without a 'Hello' or any form of acknowledged from her really. It's like he didn't exist, he didn't matter to her anymore.

Joel hadn't been taking it so well, he had a lot of dreams involving Ellie.

He dreamed he was carrying her away from the Fireflies but there was no Elevator, and no other places to turn. Just a straight path that he was following with Ellie in his arms.

But as he looked back to check if the Fireflies were close, he felt a hand on his neck. He turned back.

It was Ellie. She looked angry and had, now two hands on his neck, looking at his face and choking him as he was running. "*eck* E- *eck* Ellie!" He forced the words out his mouth.

But he didn't stop running and he didn't stop her. He just looked at her while she choked him with a furious look on her face. He slowed down more and more, until he knew the Fireflies were right behind him. He couldn't run or think with the lack of oxygen and the amount of pressure on his neck. So he dropped to the ground.

He woke up sweating and in pain. He didn't get much sleep for the rest of the night.

He looked around. He was so bored. Without Ellie to keep him busy, he just usually ate, thunk, drunk and slept when he came home.

_Oh god, Ellie. I wish you were here so bad._

He felt incomplete without her around. It was strange. He downed the rest of the whisky and threw the empty bottle to the side of him on the ground. Joel wanted to shout. He wanted to scream.

_I couldn't let them take you baby,_

_I couldn't let them take you babygirl..._

He rubbed the water out of his eyes. Then swallowed his anger and sadness.

_I better get some rest._

Joel had a big scavenging trip the next day and the team didn't need to see him hung over and mad again.

_Boy, Ellie always used to complain 'bout me going of these big trips. Giving me a big hug just before I left... She won't even look at me. Even when I go on something dangerous._

_God..._

Joel felt a deep, sinking feeling in his chest.

_She must really not care about me. _

He let out a deep sigh and headed for the stairs.

_I'm so sorry, Ellie._

(-...-)

(Ellie)

"Thanks for breakfast, Maria, but I gotta' check the Lock-boxes with Josh in a bit." Said Ellie as she stood up from the table were Tommy, Maria and herself had eaten.

"You been spending a lot of time with this Josh boy." Maria said and smiled, finishing her eggs.

"No, no, no!" Ellie blushed as she swiped her arms in a denying motion. "Trust me, me and Josh are just friends."

"Alright..." Maria winked.

Maria began to collect their plates but she stopped Ellie as she began to leave.

"Hey."

"Yeah?"

"Be back before five, I wanna' talk to you later."

Maria looked more serious.

"Yeah, sure." Ellie looked worryingly at her.

She was a good friend and a great leader. She was the most intimidating woman in the town though. That did answer a lot of questions. It explained how she was the leader, not that she was a dictator, she would always listen to the community. She just has the right attitude and sense to be a leader. And it explained why Ellie and Tommy liked her so much. Ellie liked how she was a badass and Tommy loved her because she was a tough and strong, yet still a woman. And feisty.

_Joel must like 'feisty' women as well I guess. _She thought as she studied Maria.

Ellie upset herself again.

"Well, uh, see you guys."

"Bye" Maria and Tommy said in unison.

(-...-)

"Jeez, how many more of these things are there." Ellie said exhausted.

Josh filled the Lock-box with supplies.

"Don't worry, we've only got one more." Josh said as him and Ellie began looking for the next Lock-box.

Josh was a nice boy who Ellie liked hanging out with. Josh was 15, only a few months older than Ellie. He was pretty funny and understood her. She usually talked to him about things that bothered her. Also he wasn't bad-looking either with his short, rough, ginger hair. But he wasn't for her. They both knew that. He was an average shot but was one of the bravest fighters of the town. Even a kid like Josh out shined many adults.

But Ellie was younger than him and out shined almost everybody. But being young didn't matter as much as it used to and being a girl or a boy didn't even matter at all when you were fighting.

"Were does the map say the last box is?" Josh asked.

Ellie fumbled about with the map.

"I have no fucking idea." There was frustration in her tone.

"I can't fucking read it." She said as she focus closer on it.

Josh laughed.

"What's so funny?" Ellie pouted.

"It's the wrong way, Moron."

Ellie looked down at the map and fumbled about with it again.

"Fuck..." She whispered.

Josh let out another small laugh and continued walking.

"Why do we even have to keep checking these, no one ever uses them." Ellie protested.

"We have to make sure there full, always." Josh pointed at her. "Those little red boxes could save your life."

Ellie rolled her eyes

"Oh, please..."

Josh shook his head and looked forward.

The Lock-boxes were used for a lot of different things. They were scattered outside the town in hidden places. Each Lock-Box was different and its contents were used for different things like protecting the town, to helping a friend who was outside the town. There was a Lock-Box buried near an oak tree at was a prime vantage point. You could see the entire town. The Lock-Box contained second military-grade sniper rifle the town owned, It also contained a couple of nail bombs, alcohol and rag. It was a good idea, but they were rarely used and they had to be checked once a month to see if they were still in good condition. And checking all of them was a long, hard, aggravating treasure hunt. But doing the job with Josh made it better.

"You going to make up with Joel any time soon?" Josh looked concerned at her.

"W-What?" Ellie hadn't been ready for that question. She had not tried to think of Joel much at all.

"C'mon, Ellie. You know he misses you."

"I can't. Why are you asking me this?"

"You've been so different without him... Ellie, does this whole story thing matter that much?"

"You know it does..." She said as she looked at the ground.

He looked back at her and closed his eyes for a moment.

"I'm sorry." He whispered. "But the Joel you described makes me think that he had a good reason to lie to you."

Ellie looked back up at him

"He's already lost someone, Ellie" He stared grimly at her "It's been four weeks, you know this must be destroying him."

"You think I don't miss him too?!" Ellie raised her voice.

Josh gulped.

"I know you do. You guys need each other..." Josh slung his hunting rifle tighter to himself.

"I'm surprised he hasn't done anything crazy." Ellie muttered.

Josh shook his head.

"Just go over and talk to him. I'm sure he'll tell what happened now he knows what it feels like without you."

"Hey, man, if he's in so much pain why hasn't he come to me?"

Josh rolled his eyes.

"Fuck." He muttered. "This is the problem, you're both as stubborn as each other. And he wouldn't ask to see you, Ellie."

Ellie gave him a confused look.

"You know what he's like. He's scared that you will leave him for good if he tells you what happened. I think the news is going to be bad though."

Ellie scratched the back of her head. "I guess."

"Ellie..." He paused. They both stopped walking and looked at each other.

"It's going to be bad, I know it. So...just be ready when he tells you, okay. I mean, if you

are going to talk to him." Josh looked sincerely worried.

_He's such a good friend._

"I'm gonna' talk to him, yeah."

Josh cracked a small smile at her.

"Thanks, Josh..." She smiled back.

"Don't mention it. C'mon let's get moving, I want to get there so we can go home, today has been too lon-"

"SHHH!" Ellie hissed.

She turned around and looked alert.

"Do you hear that?" She whispered.

Josh looked puzzled at her but slid his rifle off his shoulder anyway.

She concentrated harder on listening.

Her eyes widened.

"Which way is the town!?" She quickly snapped.

Josh pointed in the direction.

"Why, what's going on?"

"I heard gunshots. C'mon let's get to the town."


	5. Bastards

(Ellie)

"Oh shit!" Ellie whispered as she pulled Josh to the bushes.

Ellie and Josh had run up to the town entrance and had hid in the nearby bushes as they saw several armed bandits shooting at the town guards above them. The some bandits began throwing smoke bombs over to the wall, while the others blew up the lock on the big metal doors. "GO!" Shouted a big built, muscular bandit. His sound of his voice was muffled by his gas mask, but it was still noticeably deep. He wore a black bomber jacket and a bandoleer with shotguns shells on wrapped across him. He stood overseeing the rest of the group, shouting orders and pointing.

_Must be their leader. _Ellie concluded

She looked across to Josh, who was aiming his rifle at the bandits.

"What to you think your doing!?" She hissed, not trying to sound too loud.

She pulled down the barrel of the gun to the ground.

Josh shot her a look.

"Look how many there are! We can't take them!"

Josh looked at the ground and tried to think.

A few moments past and Ellie looked up, like she had been pinched.

"I got a idea."

Josh waited for her to explain.

"You can run up to the sniper Lock-box and I'll help out down here."

The sniper Lock-box contained a military standard sniper rife and it was at a vantage point were you could see most of the town and all of the Dam.

He looked around and stared at her. Worry and stress riddled his face.

"You think you can handle it?"

"Y-yeah, it's nothing."

Josh was always brave but didn't like fighting alone. He felt like it was survival when he was by himself. He didn't like that. He didn't like the feeling of being out numbed and out matched. He wanted to be killed as apart of something, apart of a group. Fighting for a purpose. He didn't want to be murdered in his sleep for his shoes. Put on some list, named 'Ginger Kid'. The feeling made him shudder.

"Stay safe, Ellie."

Josh took the map and headed for the vantage point. He left his rifle on purpose for her.

Ellie looked back round at the bandits.

They had all made it inside the wall. There were no gunshots. The guards must be dead or retreating.

_Oh shit! _

Ellie picked up the rifle and sprinted through the woods to reach the town's doors.

(-...-)

Ellie reached the town doors.

They had been successfully defended.

Bodies of the bandits laying out in the open. There were also bodies behind the trees that they must have been using for cover and also there was a truck that they must have brought.

The truck was blackened and has ash all over it. They grass around the truck was completely black as well. There were charred bodies in it. _Must have been molotov'ed. _Ellie thought.

There were so many. About fifteen bodies. Their blood stained the white camouflage they wore.

A guard pointed a gun at her from over the wall.

"Hey, it's me!" Ellie shouted. She backed away and put her hands in the air.

"Oh sorry, you alright?" "Open the doors!" He told another guard.

"Yeah, yeah." Ellie dismissed. "Are there any more?" She asked as she came through the big metal doors.

"Yeah, there are some of those bastards in the main hall and some on the bridge at the dam."

"Alright, thanks." Ellie ran off through the town to get to the hall.

The town was shifting about. There were guards grabbing guns and ammo, people running and shouting. The town wasn't in panic, it was in battle-mode. No-nonsense, no chatter. Orders were demanded and done. The first time Ellie saw the town working together like this, she was shocked. What went from a chatty and social town, went to being in a war.

_Must be how they've survived so well._ Ellie thought.

"Hey! Hey, Ellie!" A woman called.

Ellie turned to see Maria with Laura walking over.

She had never really liked Laura that much. She was nice and a bit like Tess. But apparently she had something for Joel, Maria told her and it always bothered Ellie. She saw the way Laura looked at him. She was thirty-four but looked much younger. Her breasts were normal but very perky. Every time Ellie saw Laura she could only imagine her and Joel laying together, butt naked. And Joel looking happy, it made her angry to think about. _Wait, where is Joel?_

"Ellie. Are you alright?" Maria asked. "Yeah, I'm good. Do you know where Joel is?" Ellie asked, trying to hide the worry in her voice.

Laura looked at Maria, waiting for a answer as well.

"He's at the bridge. Tommy said that he cleared the hall by himself." Maria said in surprise.

"Oh." Ellie said flatly.

"He's been looking all over for ya'." Laura cut in. "He told me he was going to check the hall when we finished looking for ya' at the library."

Ellie cracked a smile.

_He cares so much. _Ellie looked at Laura. _He asked you for help? _

Ellie felt jealously and disappointment in herself. She hated Joel lying to her but she didn't want him to feel alone or in pain. But he did with her.

_I'm such an ass..._

"We have to get to the bridge." Said Ellie.

"No, it's fine. Ever since Joel got there they been ploughing them right down." Maria said.

"No, he's going to freak when he doesn't find me. And I got to get over there to make sure he's okay."

Maria gave her a smile.

"Okay, let's move."

(-...-)

As they reached the bridge, they heard no gunshots.

"Tommy!?" Maria called out

Tommy came out the control room with shock and sadness on his face. He saw Maria and walked over to her.

"Tommy? What is it?" She asked as she put her hands on Tommy's arms.

Ellie began to panic.

Tommy looked worryingly at Ellie.

"The bastards took Joel..." He said to the ground.

_No... _

Ellie looked at Tommy with wide eyes. Her face began to jitter with different emotions.

Tears filled her eyes.

_No. No. No. No. No way, not Joel!_

"W-What?"

Tommy buried his face into Maria's shoulder.

"No- he, no way he- how?" Tears began flowing down Ellie's face. "How did they take Joel?"

Tommy sighed and lifted his head up.

"Some big fucker got em'... Threw em' in their car."

_This is my fault..._

A few moments past.

"Well...let's go get him!" Ellie tried to sound threatening through tears.

Tommy rubbed his temple. "Ellie, we can't. We got barely anyone ready to fight."

"I don't care, we'll be fine, there must be only a few left." She wiped the still-flowing tears from her face with her flannel jacket.

"I know Ellie, he's my brother I get what your feelin', but we can't, okay."

Ellie became angry now. She clenched her fists.

"You don't give a shit about him!" Tommy looked at her and opened his mouth to say something but Ellie already cut in. "You know what they're going to do to him!" She said with a shaky voice. It hurt her to say that. She didn't want to imagine Joel being hurt.

_Joel had told me about Hunters, back in Pittsburgh. _

_I remember. He grabbing my shoulder firmly, I felt his heat sink into me. "Ellie, listen... These men do things to people to get them to talk, alright. Some of these men take girls like you... They do things that no woman should ever have to go through." He paused for a moment, looking down at the floor then back up at me. I was terrified of the thought of being touched by big, sick, strangers. And I hated the awkwardness. "These guys don't seem to have any women around with them, so... I reckon they probably..." He scratched his beard and exhaled loudly. He then grabbed both of my shoulders firmly. I had those butterflies again. "Just, leave a bullet... Just in case." It was obviously killing him to have this conversation. "I understand." I shot him a serious expression. "Alright, then."_

Tommy was angry at what she said. He looked like he was going to raise his voice but stopped himself.

"I'm sorry." He muttered.

Maria looked at Ellie with sadness in her eyes and shook her head.

_Oh god, Joel..._


	6. Where?

(Joel)

Joel sighed at the bloody machete he was holding. He was marching to the bridge of the Dam. He wanted to find Ellie more than win against the bandits. The generator room was a the only place he hadn't checked.

He had cleared the hall of bandits by himself. Looking for Ellie made him harder to kill.

_Dammit, where the hell are you, Ellie!_

He kicked out the door to the bridge and instantly ducked behind some crates as bullets started flying towards him. Three guards were scattered across the bridge, firing back.

Joel pulled out his revolver and moving down the stairs that were next to him, to the lower bridge. He ducked behind the metal gate in front of him as a axe-wielding bandit came running towards him. Joel aimed his gun at bandit, that then jumped onto the floor, out of the way of the gun. Crates were covering him. Joel stood up more to try and see him. "MOTHERFUCKER!" Another bandit shouted as a bullet went into Joel's left arm. Joel descended to a crouch again. The bandit with a gun had moved forward and was aiming at Joel's cover.

"Go 'round." He whispered to the axe-wielding one. Joel heard him, though. The bandit stood aiming at Joel's cover, waiting him to pop out while his axe friend tried to get behind him. Joel had to think fast. He took out a Molotov. He lit it fastly and blindly threw it at the bandit in front of him. "FUCK, AHHHHHH-AHHH!" The bandit screamed and flailed around as the fire consumed his whole body. The blackened bandit fell to the ground.

"I'LL KILL YOU!" The axe-bandit screeched. Joel stood up and raised his revolver in the air. He turned around and saw the bandit charge at him from behind, he could see the rage in him. Joel was stepping back as he fired a shot into the bandit's stomach. The bandit fell on the floor and imminently starting crawling. Joel popped another shot in the bandit's skull. The bandit's head jerked up from the force of the .357 and fell to the ground, twitching for a second before becoming completely limp. Joel turned back.

_I'm coming, Ellie. _

Joel wasn't aware that Ellie had been refilling the Lock-boxes with Josh, so he didn't know where she was. He had checked everywhere in town with Laura to find her but nobody knew where she was. Joel was determined and desperate to find her. He didn't care that she didn't want to be with him, he had to make sure she was okay. His worst fear would be losing her to bandits, he imagined what they would do to her if they captured her. The thought made him shudder.

Bandits were worse than Hunters. Hunters usually had a boss to tell them what to do. They had rules. The Hunter band Joel was apart of didn't tolerate any raping. If you got caught you would lose respect from the people you served with and if the bosses found out you would be either kicked out or straight up killed. Most Hunters don't wanted to rape someone anyway, they are just trying to survive in a group, they done some bad things but they were just trying to survive, they were not monsters. But some others abused the power of lawlessness, like bandits. Bandits were different. Bandits didn't really have any leaders, they free-roamed and made important decisions in a group. They did what they wanted and Joel knew this.

The horrible image of Ellie being abused by men fueled Joel with more adrenalin and rage then he had before. He ran up the stairs on the other side of the bridge. There was two bandits standing in front of Joel, shooting down at the guards at the other end of the bridge. Joel shot the crouching bandit through the head and the other turned and faced Joel in shock. Joel shot him twice in the chest. Joel ran past the falling, dying bandit and into the generator room. Rage was beating off of him. He looked around. _Where the fuck did they-_ *EAH*

Joel grunted as he was pushed back to the wall. The bandit grabbed his neck and began trying to choking him. Joel didn't even feel it. Joel hit him in the face with a large punch, shaking the bandit off of him. Joel pulled his machete off backpack and thrusted it, deep into the bandit's neck. Joel pushed him off the blade with a gargle. "HOLY SHIT!" A bandit shouted. Joel looked up at the bandit, he crept back slowly and Joel moved forward. "Hey, man- I didn't kill anyone, alright!? I'm just here to craft stuff, I swear!" The bandit was petrified of the hulking man in front of him. "P-Please don't kill me!"

Joel jumped forward and grabbed his neck, machete still in hand. "Where's the girl." He said in a deep, slow and quite growl. The bandit's eyes widened. "Listen, man; I don't know no girl alright..." Joel slammed him onto the table by his neck. His grip tightened. "Was there a girl in here? Did you take anyone?" Joel raised his machete. "I want a answer right now." The bandit's eyes widened and Joel saw the sincerity in them. "No, I didn't see any girl, please don't hurt me!" Joel looked the bandit up and down, watching the tears swell up in his eyes. He raised the blade to the bandit's neck.

"YOU MOTHERFUC-" was all Joel heard as baseball bat crashed onto his head, like nothing he had ever felt before. He fell on his hands and knees, his head was spinning. He couldn't hear as his ears were ringing, all he could hear was his heart and it was as loud as thunder. As he looked up and saw a massive built bandit with a gas mask, he was talking with a few other bandits that he had never seen, they all looked ready and on-edge. The big built bandit looked at Joel and gave him a swift but heavy kick in the head. Joel blacked out.

(Ellie)

(-...-)

_It's all my fault, it's all my fault!_

Ellie lied in bed at Tommy's and Maria's.

They hadn't done anything to help Joel, they didn't have enough fighters to go to the bandit's camp. Maria promised Ellie that as soon as they had enough, they would go find Joel. That wouldn't be for a while.

Ellie had so much guilt in her head.

She had left the man that needed her so badly, she had caused him so much pain and he returned it by fighting so hard to find her that he got captured. She had also caused Josh to face his worst fear of being killed for nothing.

Josh didn't even make it to the Lock-box when he was held up at gun point by a scavenger for his coat and shoes. But Josh being Josh, he tried to fight back and ended up getting knocked out in the forest. _I should have stopped him, he seemed so afraid of going up there by himself. I'm such a asshole!_

She thought about Joel. She thought about the sacrifices he made for her.

_Joel would search for me if I got taken. I've got to do the same for him. _

_Tomorrow I'll grab some supplies, grab some guns, sneak out and find Joel. I've taken worse times. _

Ellie did sneak through a whole town of Cannibals with only a few bullets for a revolver. Being armed and ready should even out the odds more.

_Maria will have to forgive me. She will be pissed and go crazy over it but she knows how much Joel means to me._

Ellie thought of all the things she wanted to say to Joel. She wanted to tell him what she really felt about him. She wanted to feel the heat of him next to her, hugging her as he buries his head in her neck.

_Joel..._

She hugged herself and closed her eyes.

_I__'m gonna' come get you._

_I promise._


	7. Searching

(Jasper)

"Yo Jasper! Jasp-man!" A bandit called from the door.

Booker sat up in his chair after being awoke from his trance.

"Mhm?" A deep, muffled, questioning sound came from his gas mask.

"That big guy we brought in is awake."

Jasper stood up and rubbed the back of his bald head, feeling the straps of his gas mask sink in on his skin.

"I'll go have a talk with him..." Jasper said as he left the room.

The bandit's raid on Tommy's was a fail, though it they did do a lot of damage to it. The bandit's really wanted that dam, bad. It would be a dream to have electricity.

Jasper had taken the 'big man' for questions. Apparently that guy would not go down, he proved that wrong.

Jasper had walked in to the generator with the last of the bandits after killing the guards at the front of the bridge. Ever since Joel had been fighting them they were losing.

_I had never seen a bat explode like that before. Splinter's flew everywhere as the wooden bat broke on contact with the guys head. _"_He's obviously the boss or something, let's just take him, we need someone for questions anyway." One of the guys told me. I thought about what to do. This guy was probably someone important. "Alright." I said. I turned back to the man on the his hands and knees and booted him in the head. I knocked him out, I was surprised that the hit from the baseball bat wasn't enough to kill him, in the first place. _

_He was too heavy for the others to carry, I carried that son of a bitch all the way here and for what? 'Ask him questions'? He was tough, I was going to need more than brute force to deal with him. __If he was more than just muscle for this town then I could just kill him and get him out the way. Or maybe, If he was just muscle, he could be persuaded to work with us? We could use someone like him around here._

_I should never have brought him... _He thought.

Jasper was much stronger and bigger than all the other bandits and this gained him respect. He wasn't their leader, no one was. He was just, the dominant one.

Jasper opened the door to the cold, empty room.

It was empty all except for a chair and a rusty radiator with Joel laying on the floor hand cuffed to it.

He was awake, he looked up at Jasper for a moment then looked straight down at the floor again. Jasper shut the door. He walked up and sat on the chair facing Joel. "So..." Jasper huskily uttered. He lent back on the chair and put his hands in his bomber jacket's pockets. "I need you to answer some questions for me..."

Joel scoffed.

Jasper crossed his arms. "Yeah, I reckoned that's what you'd say... You been in this situation before. I know it."

Joel looked up at him and looked back at the floor.

Jasper knew men like this, probably because he was one.

"I have some respect for you y'know." Jasper said as he lent back on the chair more, making it creek.

He waited for a answer but Joel continued to stare at the floor.

"You killed so many of our friends..." Jasper rocked forward now.

"Seriously, these guys would love to do some things to you." Jasper looked at the purple mark and blood on Joel's head.

"Someone come in here before me?" He asked smugly.

Joel didn't answer.

"These guys fear you and I've seen you fight, you've got something in you..." Jasper sounded more serious.

Jasper looked him up and down. "You'd like to work with us?"

Joel still didn't answer. He didn't move an inch.

"We could use someone like you. We got no leaders here, we work together." Jasper looked at Joel's face for any signs of him considering it. He found none.

"We are heavily armed. Armour, military-grade weapons." Still no signs.

"Girls?"

Joel closed his eyes.

"You into that?" Jasper asked, his gas mask shifted from his expression.

Joel exhaled heavily.

_Take that as a no. __  
_

Jasper stood up.

"You sure you don't want to be a part of us?"

Joel looked up at him.

Jasper took the message. He walked out the room.

A bandit was waiting for him outside. "So how did it go?" He asked as Jasper locked the door.

"He's not going to talk." Jasper began to walk down the hall. The bandit ran and caught up to him. "So what are we gonna' do?" He asked. "I'm going to be the one to do it. If anyone else does it then they are going to end up like him."

"Okay." The bandit lowered his voice.

_I'll let him think about it tonight. _

(Ellie)

Ellie had woken up early, took some materials and ammo and sneaked out the town. She was going to find Joel.

She had followed the tire tracks in the mud of the car that the bandits had put Joel in. It was a long walk until the mud road stopped at a grassy field. _Shit... _She looked around for where they could have gone.

_Oh man, where do I go?_

Ellie just started walking in a random direction that the car could have gone. _I'll find them sometime. _She thought.

(-...-)

Hours. Hours of walking. Ellie had no idea where to go. She would walk through a field, into a forest and reach another field. She was bored and her feet hurt, but she never stopped. When ever she slowed down, she reminded herself of Joel and carried on walking. She would find small little marks of tires and walk in the general direction until she found another mark. There was relief every time Ellie found one, letting know she could maybe, be going in the right direction.

It was getting dark, Ellie had avoided any infected by being able to see them from a distance and sneaking around them, but at night it would be a problem. Joel taught Ellie the importance of setting up camp and getting rest when it was dark but she hated the thought of being out in the open while sleeping. A clicker could easily walk up on her. Joel managed to find shelter most of the time they were travelling, it didn't seem as easy in the forest, alone, at night. "Oh, fuck..." She whispered to herself. Ellie decided to risk it, walk and see if she could find any shelter.

(-...-)

Two more hours of walking. Ellie felt like her feet were bleeding from the entire day of walking. The night was incredibly dark. Ellie could barley see her hands in front of her. Ellie was going to have to stop soon. She did have many days of walking with Joel but he took breaks and they were passing through interesting places that Ellie asked about. Ellie would have conversions with Joel, even though she was the one doing a lot of the talking. Now, she was tired, scared and worst of all, alone. She always felt protected with Joel, even in the worst situations. Ellie needed him badly.

Ellie looked into the sky. It was beautiful, the black night sky was covered in stars. There were thousands of them, tiny bright specks on a dark black canvas. It was like nothing she had ever seen before. _I wish you were here Joel..._

Then Ellie noticed something. Something big covered a part of the sky and hid the stars.

_What the fuc- No way! _Ellie rushed towards it. It was a old lodge cabin. It wasn't very big but that meant less rooms to check. Ellie checked the perimeter like Joel told her to when they found shelter. She walked up the wooden steps to the front door. She turned on her flash light and raised her 9mm pistol. Ellie took a deep breath and opened the door. _Wasn't even locked. _She walked in and looked around the pitch black cabin. There was only three rooms. Kitchen/Dining Room/Entrance, bathroom and the bedroom. Ellie slowly crept around the cabin. It looked aged but there was no infected or spores. The bathroom was good and the bedroom looked freshly made...and left for twenty years but still. Ellie couldn't have been more lucky. She put her pack down in the bedroom and went to lock the front door.

Ellie lied in bed reading Savage Starlight after trying to enjoy a can of cold bake beans. It was the last book of the series, 'Singularity'. She had already read it five times but she loved the ending. Reading took her mind off the eeriness of the room. She didn't lay under the covers, it made her feel off guard. And it was quite warm for a spring night, a comfortable and sleepy warm. It relaxed Ellie more. Her feet were sore and it was painful when ever she moved them. She hadn't heard anything, except the swishing sound of the wind blowing through the trees. She did have her pistol on the bed stand and her rifle under the bed, just in case. You could never be too easy in the world they lived in.

Ellie looked away from her comic and thought about what she was going to do in the morning. She had been walking, non-stop, all day and found no trace of the bandit's camp. _Maybe I should turn around or try another direction. _Ellie thought.

Ellie put her hands on her head. "What the fuck am I going to do..." She felt like she couldn't live without Joel. He was her best friend, her partner and she wished he was something more. Ellie wouldn't stop until she found him, just like Joel wouldn't stop for her. Again, she imagined Joel laying next to her. She imagined the heat radiating off of him and the protective barrier she felt around her when ever he was near.

She felt guilt for imaging it though. Joel could be being tortured or dead. Joel wasn't even aware Ellie had these types of feelings for him. Ellie didn't know what Joel would do if she did tell him. _Would he love me back? _She thought. _Would he think I'm too young? Would he not even care? _Her head was a tornado of questions. _Will I even ever see him again?_

Ellie rested her back on the headboard of the bed. There was a creek as Ellie lent back into it. Ellie didn't even care that he had lied to her. She needed him. She needed to feel something...

Ellie looked down at her pants. She quickly turned her head and bit her bottom lip. _No, I shouldn't, he's probably in trouble and I'm just sitting here...__  
_

Ellie stared back down at her pants. _Oh god, I need this so bad! _Ellie unbuttoned her jeans and unzipped her red flannel jacket, revealing her black under shirt. She threw it to the side of the bed, with her pack. Ellie pulled down her jeans slightly, just so she could see her panties. She ignored the pain of moving her feet. The bright white cotton shined in the moon light that peeked in through the curtains. Ellie slid one hand into her panties and the other gripped the bed sheets. Her hand slowly rubbed the outside of her pussy. Ellie wasn't sure if she was doing it right but it felt good so she continued doing it. Jesus, did it feel good. She closed her eyes and bit her bottom lip again. She imagined Joel's big strong hands on her body, caressing her, owning her. Every strong yet gentle, fiery touch making her body shudder. "Oh, Joel." She whispered breathlessly. Her hand began moving faster and her tight jeans kept slowing her down. Ellie quickly slid her jeans off her legs and threw them with the rest of her things. She pulled her panties down so she could see her pussy. It looked so pink compared to the rest of her pale body. Ellie put her other hand on her mound and began moving at speed again. _Oh god, oh my god. This so wrong._ But she didn't stop. Ellie threw her head back in pleasure. Her breathing was jerky and her legs began twitching slightly. "O-Oh god." She said louder and more breathlessly than before. Her eyes were shut tight. She imagined Joel now kissing her neck and rubbing in between her thighs. Suddenly it hit her. The best orgasm she ever felt just hit her like a train. "AWWWW, AWWW AWW!" Ellie shouted and released a massive exhale, then began painting furiously.

Ellie slid back from the bed board to the mattress. She imagined Joel laying next to her, holding her loosely but so dearly.

Ellie was now even more relaxed, how could her body come from such a high down to such a low? Ellie rolled over to her side. Feeling relaxed, pleasured and safe. She closed her eyes with a smile on her face and began to dream with her body still exposed.


	8. Gone

**Another small chapter, sorry! Please give me some reviews. Tell me if I'm doing alright and tell me what you do and don't like about the story so far.**

(Ellie)

There was a smash at the door of the lodge that made Ellie jump up from her dreams.

Her panties were still rolled down her legs and the rest of her clothes were on the floor.

Ellie stood up and grabbed the pistol on her bed-side table. There was another smash on the door. _Fuck, is this were someone is staying?_ Ellie thought.

She held up her gun with one hand and the other was trying to unroll her panties so she could wear them properly. "ELLIE, ARE YOU IN THERE!?" A voice came from out side that Ellie recognised.

_Is that...Maria? _"Uh, yeah..." Ellie answered. There was silence, Ellie held her breath. "ELLIE GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE RIGHT NOW!" Maria shouted affirmatively. "Oh, shit..." Ellie thought out loud.

Another smash at the door.

"One sec!" Ellie shouted.

She grabbed her jeans and quickly put them on. She threw her red flannel jacket on her arms and zipped it up over her black undershirt. She lent on the bed and began tying her shoes when the door bust open. _Oh shit! _Ellie thought. _She's gonna' be pissed. _

Maria and a guard came in. Maria spotted Ellie on the bed. Her face with filled with anger and sternness. She powerfully walked over to Ellie who finished tying her shoe and stood up.

"Maria, what are you doing here-" Maria grabbed grabbed Ellie's arm and dragged her through the lodge to outside. "Hey, let-" She grunted from being pulled around by the strength that she didn't know Maria had. "Stop!" Ellie yelled. Ellie knew Maria but she didn't like being man-handled by anyone. Maria didn't say anything and brought Ellie to a car that the search party had came in. Ellie's eyes widened. "You- You got a car?" Ellie tried to stop and admire the car but Maria pulled her to it. "Maria, we can go find Joel! Their camp is around here, we have to go get him!" Ellie's voice with filled with hope and relief but still, Maria didn't say anything.

She opened the back car door and tried to guide Ellie in. "No, Maria, we have to find him! He's around here, just let me go, I can handle it myself!" Ellie desperately trying to persuade her.

Ellie tried harder to fight back against Maria, pressing all her body's strength into her. "LET ME FIND HIM, PLEASE!" She begged.

It was no use, Maria was in complete leader-mode, she completely out-matched Ellie's strength and threw her into the car.

"Put her stuff in the trunk and let's get out of here." Maria said to a guard as she slammed the car door.

The guard put Ellie's things in the trunk. He got in the front driver's seat and locked the doors. Maria glanced at Ellie through the rear-view mirror.

Even though Ellie could just see Maria's eyes, she saw the disappointment in them. She saw the worry that she had put Maria through. She understood what Maria was doing but she couldn't leave Joel. She had to try.

"I need to find him." Ellie said quietly while looking down at her lap.

Maria's face broke for a minute then sealed it's self back to a stern expression. Maria understood how much Joel meant to Ellie but they couldn't infiltrate a bandit camp with limited supplies and fighters. She had to be a leader, she had to think for the entire group, not just Ellie.

Ellie waited for something. But no response.

"Fucking assholes..." Ellie muttered.

_I'm gonna' find you Joel. I'll get out of this._

Silence filled the car on their long way back.

(-...-)

Ellie sat in her room.

_Maria was trying to explain to me why we couldn't go get Joel. I already knew the reasons, I didn't listen. __I sat in the living room trying to acknowledge the point's Maria was trying to make. Maria was standing above me, explaining about how they are dangerous and whatever. All that mattered was finding Joel and Maria wouldn't let me. She told me that she assigned a supervisor. Fucking great. _

_"Just leave me alone." I breathlessly told Maria. I was exhausted and I didn't want to hear anymore reasons._

_Maria looked at me with sadness and sincerity. "Please, Ellie, this isn't my fault." _

_"So why didn't you just let me find him!?" I raised my voice and looked up at her. _

_"You could have died out there Ellie, even if you found their camp then what? 'Break in'? These guys are different, Ellie. They are armed and they are f- they are dangerous!" Maria was becoming frustrated. _

_Maria treated me like a adult but she never did like swearing in front of me. _

_"Joel's probably-..." She stopped herself and looked down._

_I couldn't believe it, did she just say that she thought Joel was dead? And she wanted me to calm down and not go find him!?_

_I stood up, I could feel tears filling my eyes. "Fuck you." I said as I ran up to the room I had been staying in. _

Ellie was laying on her bed, staring straight up at the ceiling. There had been tears in her eyes for a while and when ever a tear would drop off from her eye, to her cheek, she would wipe it with her jacket sleeve.

Instead of so fast thoughts swirling around in her mind, she had slow drifting ones. She didn't have any ideas to find Joel. There was no way. Ellie tried bringing herself to the realization that Joel was dead. Maria said it herself. She wouldn't say it if she didn't mean it.

Ellie could no longer control her tears. She sat up and they started rolling down her face.

_That's it. Another person... I've lost him. _

_He's gone._


	9. Mask

(Joel)

Joel slowly returned to consciousness. He had been sleeping on the floor for three days. His wrist was red from being handcuffed to the radiator, his back and ass ached sitting on the floor. He was cold and alone in this big empty room. He had been fed though.

Joel wasn't sure why the bandit's kept him waiting. He had come to terms that they were going to kill him but they didn't. He was alone, the only contact he had was yesterday when Jasper talked to him. He had assumed the waiting was a strategy to break him.

_God, I think I might be here for a while..._

Joel knew that it was breaking him. Not the pain, or the thought that he could be executed at any moment. But the thought of leaving Ellie alone.

_Even if she never talked to me again, I wanted to make sure she was alright. _

_I wanted to be told how she was doing by Tommy._

_I wanted to see how she got on in the community._

_I wanted to see if she had a family. _

_And I wanted to tell her what happened. _

_But I can't do any of that, I have to sit here and wait to die. _

Ellie was going to live her life without Joel and that shook him.

Joel was tortured in his mind of the things that could happen to Ellie.

_She's gonna' be fine... She's gonna' be fine... She's with Tommy... She's gonna' be fine. _He repeated in his head, reassuring himself.

The door opened. Joel looked at the ground again.

Jasper was standing in the doorway.

The man stood and looked at Joel, who was still looking at the floor. There was no fear in him, he didn't look distressed or nervous - he just looked slightly disappointed.

Jasper gave a small exhale.

He picked up the chair as he walked over to Joel and placed it in front of him. Joel kept his stern face looking at the floor. Jasper sat down in front of him.

"Hello."

Jasper paused. "You were looking for someone before we caught you."

Joel never moved.

Jasper slide his hands in his pockets and tilted his head.

"Who were you looking for?"

Worry pierced through Joel like a knife.

_Oh please tell me she isn't here!_

Joel's eyes moved towards Jasper now with heat of aggression in them.

Jasper saw what he was thinking and used it to his advantage.

"Little girl?" Jasper asked, like he knew her. Joel tried to keep his expression the same. He tried not to let his anger or worry show so they could use her to make him talk. Jasper saw, though. He saw all his emotions. "She's not here, don't worry." Joel could help but show his relief. Jasper's gas mask shifted from his smile. "Daughter?" Jasper asked casually. He was interested.

Joel didn't answer.

"I understand." Jasper mumbled, nodding his head. Jasper understood that he wouldn't want to talk to him about it.

Jasper stood up.

"I'm sure she's fine..." He said as he walked to the door.

Joel looked at him questionably as he left.

Once the door closed again Joel relaxed. He was slightly confusing though. _Why does this guy care? _

Joel thought that he was just be pretending to be his friend him so he would tell him about the dam but there was sincerity in him. It was like how he used to talk to other dads when he had Sarah. He didn't want to think about it, he was probably going to die. He closed his eyes and returned to his thoughts of Ellie.

(Jasper)

(-...-)

Jasper was standing outside. He was watching his friends move around the camp, fixing things, handing out supplies, talking. His gas mask was strapped to his belt. The cool breeze felt good on the burn mark across his face. He didn't take the mask off often. Nobody had really seen him without it since his accident.

Mick and Kyle appeared behind him. They had been having a quiet argument as they walked up to him.

"Hey, man." Mick said, ending the argument.

Jasper turned around and stared at him, waiting for him to say something. Mick had not seen this much of his face before, it made him uneasy. Jasper kept a careless expression.

"Uh, it's been a few days... You gonna'... Get rid of that guy?" Mick asked. Kyle stood behind him with his arms crossed, looked away.

_He asked you to say that..._

Jasper stuffed his hands back in his brown bomber jacket's pockets. "Is he a problem?"

"No, but... Why keep him around, ya' know?" Mick waved his arms but tried not to sound threatening.

Jasper didn't answer. He turned around and watched the work that was happening.

"Look, man what is this about-" Mick stopped himself. He saw Jasper's back tense. "I'm sorry, I didn't-" Mick tried to explain but was interrupted. "Mickey... I'll take care of it in the morning."

"Jasp-man, a lot of our guys got killed by this guy." Mick raised his voice but still tried to kept it non-threatening.

Jasper paused for a moment. He removed his gas mask from his belt and strapped it to his head. His naked face was covered by his new face.

"**I'm going to do it**." Jasper's voice was huskier, there was authority in it. He didn't like to think of himself as any sort of leader but when he really needed to do something, he done it. His friends were scared of him, that bothered him but it did have its uses.

"...Okay, man..." Mick muttered and stepped back.

Kyle moved forward. "Hey listen asshole! Taylor got killed by this guy, **I'm** doing it!"

Jasper's eye twitched.

"Really?" Jasper had a threatening tone. Kyle tried not to be intimidated by him. "You have no reason-"

Mick put his hand Kyle's shoulder and tried to calm him down. "Just leave it-" "Just leave it? You're such a pussy, Mickey! We can stand up to him, he doesn't run this place!"

Taylor was Kyle's best friend. He had joined the bandit's with him and he was going to do anything to get revenge on the person that killed him.

"Is this just because he was looking for a fucking kid?" Kyle barked.

Jasper turned to face Kyle. His muscles were flexing and his fists were clenched. Yet Kyle still didn't back down.

"Every time a kid gets involved you get so weird! Just because your angry that you let Jermaine die!"

Kyle couldn't believe what he just said. He tried to keep a brave face like he wanted to say it. Mick was shocked "Oh shit..." Mick muttered as he looked at Jasper. His eye was twitching uncontrollably making his gas mask giggle slightly. He was breathing heavily out his nose.

Jasper walked powerfully to Kyle. Kyle tried backing up before he was grabbed around the throat by Jasper. Jasper had a strong, tight grip on Kyle's neck with one hand while the other was flexing by his side. He was going bright red and his eyes started to water. Kyle had his hands on Jasper's arm, trying everything he could to get him to stop. His throat was being crushed by Jasper's strength and he couldn't talk, he couldn't beg or call for help. Mick grabbed Jasper's shoulder and tried to rock him to get him off. "Jasp-Man! Jasp, get off him!" Mick grunted and tried to force Jasper to let go of him but he couldn't, Jasper was like a solid rock. He didn't even pay attention to Mick, all his concentration was on strangling Kyle.

Kyle's force on Jasper's arm weakened. Kyle's eyelids began to drop half way down his eyes. "JASPER!"

Jasper returned to reality. His head turned to the voice. Zara was standing with a few other bandits looking at Jasper. The look on her face begged him to stop. He looked back at Kyle who was almost passed out. He let go of his neck. Kyle dropped to the floor and began having a coughing fit. Mick bent down to help him. Jasper looked around at the trouble he caused. All his friends were watching him. Jasper looked down at Kyle. He felt no regret. He turned and walked inside.

He marched through the hallways until he reached the interrogation room. He bust open the door making Joel jump slightly. Joel looked at him this time. Jasper took out a shiv from his coat and was heading for Joel.

Joel though it was the end. He was never going to see his Ellie again.

Joel closed his eyes as he imagined the shiv burying deep into his neck but there was nothing.

A few moments past before he slowly opened his eyes again. Jasper was bent on one knee in-front of him.

"Listen." Jasper said with slight stress in his voice. He pulled out some keys and put it in the hand cuff. Joel looked at him puzzled. The hand cuff loosened on Joel's hand. Joel was just about to pull off the radiator when Jasper stopped him. "Say here. Wait until someone comes in here and..." He handed Joel the shiv. "Break out of here." Joel was so confused. "Why are you doing this?" Joel asked. Jasper looked down.

"You have someone to get back to..." He looked back up at Joel and have him a pat on the shoulder. "Trust me, you won't get out of here now, wait until someone comes, it will be later, there will be less of us out." Joel nodded at him. Jasper stood up. "Thank you..." Joel said breathlessly. Jasper nodded and left. Joel leaned over the radiator so his loose cuff was covered by his body. He stuck his outside arm across himself so the shiv was covered too.

Jasper walked in back to his room wondering whether what he did was right. These guys were his friends but he couldn't let another child suffer because of him.

_Hard to believe it's been three years, three years of working with these guys..._

_I can remember when we first met them. _

_Me and Jermaine had been searching a abandoned shop's upper floor in Logan, Utah. We had been struggling for a while. _

_I was looking through boxes to find some food, weapons, anything! It was some military store or something. Most of the guns were taken. _

_I heard gunshots outside. I stopped rummaging through a box and looked at Jermaine. He was standing by the window shaking. "Jasp... There's trouble." He said. _

_I walked over to him and looked out the window. A few people were defending there truck from Infected. A women was getting ripped apart. I would have just left them but they might have been in some other group and we needed food, maybe if I helped they would help us? I was too desperate to not. There was a Big boy, a few clickers and about eight runners. I looked at Jermaine. "I'm going to go down there, you stay and shoot from here." _

"_We're going to help those guys!?"_

"_Yes! If they are apart of a bigger group we could be brought back to the rest. They could have food."_

"_Jasp, that's a stupid idea! What if they just kill you!?" Jermaine begged me not to go. _

"_I won't let that happen." I said as I grabbed his shoulder. _

_He nodded back at me. _

"_Shoot from up here - you got your gun?"_

"_Yep."_

"_Alright, I'm going to go down there."_

_I was leaving before Jermaine stopped me. _

"_Jasp, be careful..."_

_I have him a nod and ran down stairs._

_I killed almost all of those bastards. The group didn't kill us. They took us back and fed us, we became one of them. And I've betrayed them... _

Jasper lied down on his bed, he didn't want to be awake when Joel got out.


	10. Somewhere else

**Sorry for the wait. I really appreciate a review to tell me if I'm doing alright or if I need to change something. Anyway, thanks for reading, should be more chapters out soon.**

(Joel)

_I was traveling through the crumbling hospital. I walked past the sprouting weeds and vines that attached to the hallway walls, and into a old coffee shop. The shop was at the end of hospital, and the entire wall had been destroyed so you could see the whole of the outside. Parts of bricks were scattered on the floor and some where still loose in the wall. I looked outside into the vast white distance. There was something out there though... Something red? It was coming closer and-_

"_ELLIE!" I called as I saw her running towards me. _

_I ran up to her too. She was here, I couldn't believe it! I could almost feel her in my arms already!_

_Our bodies crashed together and latched onto each other as we met. _

"_Oh, Ellie I missed you so much!"_

_She squeezed me tightly.  
"Oh, baby girl..." I whispered. "I'm so happy I have you, I'm so happy I-"_

"_Shhh." Ellie interrupted. "It's alright, we're together now..." She quietly and gently whispered. My body was sinking and shivering, Ellie's soft words were the most relaxing thing I had ever experienced. _

_I stroked her soft hair with one hand and the other was spread across her back while she was buried in my chest. "Goodbye, Joel." Ellie uttered as she began to pull away. _

_"W-What?" I was shocked. Why was she saying goodbye? "I have to go now. I love you." She said flatly as she used more force to get off of me. Something in me snapped, she wasn't going to leave me, not this time. "No." I said affirmatively. "Your staying with me." __Ellie shook her head and pulled away with more force, yet she didn't seem like she was even putting in effort._

"_Please!" I begged as I hugged her tighter. "Don't leave me! Please don't leave me, Ellie." She was ripping away from me with strength greater than mine._

"_P-Please don't..." _

Joel open his eyes like he was hit by lighting. He was shaking, sweating and his breathing was heavy. He was still laying in the position to hide his cuff and shiv.

"Jesus Christ..." Joel mumbled as he wiped his forehead with the back of his hand, exposing the shiv for a moment. _Dreams are weird_ He thought. Joel looked at the door, it hadn't been moved. He listened. He heard three people outside talking.

"Hey, man, Sonny was a good friend of mine, I need to get a bit of action on his guy!" "Alright fine, but don't hurt him too bad." A croaky voice said. "You sure Jasper is okay with this? I saw what he did to you." A younger bandit said.

The two bandits chuckled.

"Shut the fuck up!" The voice wheezed. "He's not the leader, we can do what we want."

"Okay, man, chill. I'm gonna' go mess him up a bit then let you have em'." The voice was closer to the door. "Okay, don't take too long..." The younger bandit said.

_How did I fall asleep? If I woke up any later I would be dead. _

The door creaked, Joel dropped his head and pretended to be asleep.

The bandit walked in and closed the door. He was quite old. He looked older than Joel.

He took out a small lead pipe out from his white camouflage coat. "Wakey-Wakey my little princess..." He mocked as he got closer to Joel. He bent down and grabbed Joel's shoulder. Joel slid his hand out of the loose cuff and gripped the shiv hard. "I SAID WAKE U-" Joel swung his shiv up into the bandit's neck. His other hand held the bandit's back to stop him falling. He slowly and gently placed him down to prevent noise. Joel pulled out the shiv while the man gurgled, the blood made a small pool around him. Joel picked up the bandit's small lead pipe and put it in his pocket. He moved to the door and listened. There was one more outside the door, the other had walked away. He gripped his shiv again and slowly opened the door. The younger looking bandit had his back on Joel. He was staring down the hallway with his arms crossed. Joel crept up on him and grabbed him. He was in a neck lock from behind.

"Easy, son." Joel felt retaliation from him before he put the blade on his neck.

The bandit's breaths were now jumpy and he held his hands out in front of him to show he wasn't going to try anything.

"Where is my stuff." "L-Locker-room." "You got keys?" "You don't need keys t-to get in." "Where is it?" "E-End of the hall."

The bandit was surprisingly co-operate.

Joel would have killed him with the shiv but he didn't want to break it. Joel got his neck in a tight lock and lowered him to the floor. The bandit flung his arms behind him to try and reach Joel, but he couldn't. He coughed and sputtered as Joel choked him out until he was dead. Joel let his limp body hit the floor and searched him. He found four .357 bullets. The bandit didn't have a gun, just another small lead pipe.

Joel listened, he heard three bandits outside the building.

The building was some golf resort the bandits had build their camp around.

Joel walked over to the end of the hall. He opened the door to find a small armory. It wasn't where their main guns were but it had Joel's stuff in it. Joel walked over to the table were his backpack was, the contents of it were spilled out over the table. Joel began refilling his backpack. _My revolver, ammo, couple notes... _He listed the items he put in his bag. _Ah shit, where's the map of the dam?_ Joel had the blueprints of the dam in his bag and they were gone. The bandits had taken it but there was no time to look for it now. _Some rag, alcohol, a bit of binding and... _Joel picked up the picture of him and Sarah, back in the old world. Joel smiled. He was so proud when she won that trophy, she was good at soccer. Joel had a special kind of happiness when he was with Sarah, he had that feeling when he was someone else as well.

Joel let out a deep exhale.

_I'm gonna' come back, Ellie. I promise._

Joel wasn't sure if Ellie would miss him or not but it gave some hope.

Joel put the picture in his bag. He slung his bag on his back and was about to leave but he noticed a assault rifle in the corner of the room. Joel picked it up, there was a pile of ammo and magazines next to it. Joel loaded the gun and stuffed his pocket with three full magazines.

Joel walked out the locker room and moved to the window. There were three bandits right outside and about a dozen walking about in the distance.

_Guess I'm not going this way. Maybe if I move out the back way of the building. _

Joel began to sneak in the opposite direction. He listened and heard laughing. He crouched and moved to the door were the noise was coming from. It was a hall with a big table with a few chairs scattered around it. There were bandits eating and joking. Joel moved past the door and continued moving to the back exit of the resort.

Joel walked out the back doors of the resort, the bandits in the hall didn't notice him. The back of the camp only had a few tents, a truck and six bandits. Two bandits were patrolling the area while the other three talked. Joel hid on the side of the truck, the three bandits were on the opposite side of it. Joel noticed the oil drums on the right of him, near a tent. He took out the small lead pipe and threw it at the drums. It made a loud metallic crash. The bandits heads turned to the source of the noise while Joel moved left behind a row of crates and pallets were he wasn't visible to the three men. There was a bandit with his back on Joel, moving down the path in front of him. Joel caught up behind him and took out his revolver. Joel grabbed the bandit and stuck the gun barrel on the side of his head. "Not a **fuckin'** word..." Joel whispered aggressively. Joel could feel the bandit try to control his breathing. Joel checked his surrounding. He lowered the bandit and silently choked him to death.

Joel moved to the end of the row and hid behind some oil drums. He planned what to do next. There was a small gate with a platform on it to pass but it had no guard on it, he could easily walk up the platform and jump over it if he waited for the other patrolling bandit to- "HE GOT OUT! HE FUCKING-" A bandit burst open the resort exit doors and dropped to the floor coughing. "What's wrong?" One of the three talking bandits asked. The coughing bandit ran over to the three bandits with another four bandits from the hall behind him. "The fucking guy we caught got out! He fucking killed Aaron and Billy!" "Oh shit... Okay well he has to pass through here so look alive and shoot this mother-fucker as soon as you see him." "But-" The croaky voiced bandit was interrupted. "Kyle, I don't give a shit about torturing him. Your 'revenge' bullshit could get us all killed!"

Kyle was silent now, he didn't need another beating.

"Let's just spread out and look for him." The bandit said.

This messed up Joel's plan. He saw a bandit walked down the row Joel came from, the bandit noticed the body and ran up to it. He was going to tell the others and they would know he was here. Joel pulled his shiv out and ran up to the investigating bandit. The bandit looked up and saw Joel but it was too late for him. Joel had dug the shiv into his eye, the shiv snapped in his socket and the bandit screamed.

"WHAT THE **FUCK**!?" A bandit shouted from the other end of the row. In a instant Joel pulled out his revolver and popped a shot in the bandit's stomach, knocking him to the floor. The two bandit's screams and a gunshot was more than he could sneak out of. They knew where he was.

"He's on the other side of that stuff!" A bandit shouted. Joel dropped to the floor and covered his head as bullets began flying through the row of pallets and crates. Splinters of wood burst out of them.

The bullets stopped and Joel crawled back to the oil drums. "Did we get him?" "I don't know, keep looking, and someone get on the gate."

There was a bandit walking towards Joel now. His only option was to fight. There was six bandits to fight and they were all in front of him. He pulled the assault rifle off of his backpack and cocked the firing pin. Joel looked down at the big, black, military-grade monster. He channelled his breath to steady himself. "Okay..." Joel whispered to himself.

Joel aimed the assault rifle over the oil drums. "There he is!" A bandit pointed to him. Joel held down the trigger. Bullets were flying at the bandits, piercing through their bodies and splattering blood on the floor. One of the bandits had tried to light the Molotov he was holding before Joel began shooting but as the force of the bullets pushed him backwards, the Molotov flew out his hand and hit the truck behind.

Joel stopped shooting. All the bandits were laying dead on the floor except Kyle who was standing by the back doors when the shooting happened. Joel saw him and aimed the gun at him but he ran through the doors. Joel saw the truck that was burning. _Should be a nice distraction._ He thought. Joel flung the assault rifle on his back and ran to the guard platform on the gate and jumped over it.

Joel was sprinting through the the dark woods.

_I'm out! I'm made it out! I'm going to find her!_

He turned back to see smoke and firelight coming from the bandit camp, it looked beautiful on the night sky.

_I'm going to find her._ Joel repeated in his head.


	11. He Was A Friend Of Mine

(Ellie)

Ellie was working outside for a change. Maria had her working inside usually, in-case she tried to escape and find Joel. She was always being watched. Maria had also gave her a supervisor, Josh.

Josh didn't like supervising Ellie, it made him feel guilty. Josh did try to talk to Ellie about Joel but she never responded.  
The reason Maria had Josh to watch Ellie was because they were friends and Maria knew that Ellie wouldn't try to hurt Josh to get away from him.

Ellie had changed since Maria had grounded her, she was a empty shell. She was Ellie but she wasn't, she had no emotions, she didn't care about anything. There is only so much one person can lose before they stop trying to gain.

Ellie and Josh were moving bricks and building materials from the storage shed to the new house that was being made. Most of the stuff was heavy but Ellie didn't complain or even seem to care, she just got on with the work. Josh was worried about her.

After the days work Josh walked Ellie back to Maria's house in silence. Josh decided to try and break the ice.

"So... Long day, huh?" Josh asked. Ellie didn't answer.

"Ellie, you alright?"

Still no answer.

"Ellie... say something."

Ellie's face remained blank and unfocused.

"Just talk to me..." Josh sighed.

More silence.

"What do you want..." Ellie said exasperatedly. That was the first time he heard her say anything all day.

"Are you still angry?"

Ellie lost her temper.

"Still angry?! Of course I'm fucking angry!"

"Sorry, Sorry. I shouldn't have started with that." Josh forced out a small faked chuckle.

"I just-... Are you doing alright?" Josh tried to sound soft and non-threatening.

Ellie wanted to open up to him right there. She wanted to complain, shout and scream, she wanted someone to know how she was feeling. Josh was her best friend and a amazing listener. She knew he would listen and try to relate to everything she had to say. But she didn't say anything. Ellie swallowed her thoughts and walked on.

She had to be enemies with everybody who was holding her away from Joel, including Josh.

As the silence rose, Josh understood and dropped it. They walked home in absence of sound.

Ellie had turned into half the girl she was before. She was always silent and always stern. There was no playful child to banter with, just a hollow girl.  
Josh would have done anything to hear another one of her stupid puns, or one of her insults, hell, he would love to hear her complain, but she was just emotionless.

(-...-)

Ellie returned to Maria's and Tommy's.

"Hey, Ellie." Maria greeted.

Ellie didn't answer and walked upstairs to her room.

Maria looked concernedly over to Tommy who was eating his dinner.

Ellie kicked off her shoes and threw herself on the bed.

Maria knocked at the door.

"Hey, Ellie, do'ya want something to eat?"

"No, thanks." She quietly replied.

Ellie had been angry for Maria since she dragged her back to town. Ellie understood Tommy and Maria were looking out for her and the town, but she wasn't going to be friends with her anyway.

"Can I come in?"

Ellie looked up at the door. Maria had tried to give Ellie her space but now she wanted to talk?

"Yeah..." She exhaustedly answered.

Ellie sat up on her bed as Maria walked in.

"What is it?" Ellie didn't want to hear more reasons why they couldn't look for Joel.

Maria carefully crept in and sat on the bed, next to Ellie.

"Ellie," Maria was thinking, she was picking her words carefully. "Look,"

Ellie watched her intently, wondering what was so important.

"I know its been a while... So I wanted ask if you want to go to on a scavenge run."

Ellie couldn't believe it. Maria was going to let her out of town? It was only a week ago when she last tried to get out.

"I...I-" Ellie was lost for words. She didn't sound thankful, just confused.

"I know what it's like Ellie, I'm so, so sorry but we have to get over it. It's going to take time-"

"We!?" Ellie interrupted.

"You known him for a few months, I knew him forever!"

Maria rolled her eyes.

"Two years is not forever, Ellie!"

Ellie's face saddened. It was hard to believe that they had only known each other for two years but it had felt like forever.

"Well... It's a bit different when you have to rely on each other every day!"

Ellie was right. They were more than just friends, they had to survive and kill together, they were partners and they knew each other better than anyone else did.

"I'm sorry, I just..." Maria wasn't the best with words. "Look, Ellie, I want to trust you. I'm going to give you a chance." She got up and headed for the door.

Maria turned around to look at Ellie once more.

"Please don't make me regret this."

"Okay."

She gave a weak smile and walk out leaving Ellie by herself.

"Goodnight." Came from outside the door.

Maria's conversation had brought up memories from the time she tried to escape.

_I got up at 2:am. I waited until Maria and Tommy had been sleeping for an hour then I left the house. I knew it wasn't going to be easy to get out. Nelson and his crew were guarding the town gate while there was a fucking army on the dam. They had so many people on watch because of the raid, also they were looking out for me. I knew it was going to be impossible to sneak out the dam, but it wouldn't be much easier going through the town either. _

_Nelson's a ex-soldier, he didn't like how things were being run so he left, Joel seems to like him more for that. He's a nice guy, though._

_There was a few houses before the wall. The rest of the houses where all together in the middle of town but these few were right at the wall. There was two rows of two houses that faced each other on either side of the wall entrance.  
__Tommy's and Maria's house was back with the rest of the houses._

_Nelson lived in one of these and so did I, before Joel left. I kind of liked being so close to the wall, other people were scared of it though. People hated these houses, they were scared of being so close to the wall, I kind of liked it, I made me feel safer for some reason._

_I hid at the side of one of the houses. I peeked round the front and looked at the wall entrance. It was pitch black outside but I think I could see four people. Four dark blobs, really.  
I could throw a bottle or something at the other row of houses, maybe the guards would walk over and check it out then I could jumped over the wall? It was a big risk but I needed to try. I took out a bottle from my pack and steadied myself._

"_Maybe if I could hit a window... It's a longshot..." I mumbled to myself. The other row of houses were about thirty meters away. _

_I stretched my arm out in front of me as a guide and tensed my other arm behind me, bottle in hand. _

"_Ellie?" A women's voice came from behind me and made me jump. _

"_Shit-" _

_I jumped forwards a bit and dropped the bottle, it shattered on the ground__. I turned around and saw Laura. She instantly realized what I was doing out so late. I heard people talking and moving on the wall. They must have heard the bottle break. "Oh fuck..." I uttered as I back away from Laura. She moved towards me slowly. "Ellie, wait a sec." She outstretched her arm towards me but I back away more._

"_Wait!" She called as I started sprinting for the wall. I was going to try. _

_A guard that came to investigate the noise was in my way. I tried dodging around him but he grabbed my shoulder with his right hand but before he could put another on me I pulled out of his clutch. I was so close to the wall, there was only one more guard on the wall and I could easily just push past him and jump over. My foot was almost on the scaffold ramp when a hand grabbed my wrist. I was pulled back by the strength of it, I turned around, it was Nelson. I pulled and fought but he still had a tight grip on my wrist, I turned to face him even more and tried to use more force against him. He grabbed my other wrist._

"_Ellie-" He grunted from trying to keep me still.  
"Let-" I grunted. I tried pulling away from him with all my body's power. "-go!" _

_I quickly glanced at Nelson's face and I could see pain, he suffered from having to man-handle me like this. Why was he was so upset?_

_I slowly stopped resisting. I felt too bad and I wouldn't be able to pass the guards anyway._

_Laura grabbed my shoulder, she was panting from chasing me. I was expecting her to be mad but she calm and collective, she looked at me with pleading eyes. Nelson still had a tight grip on my wrists. I looked back and forth at Laura and Nelson, tears were swelling up in my eyes. _

"_Please let me find him..." I begged _

_Laura tried to talk through the lump in her throat. "Ellie, c'mon." She pulled me away and we started walking to one of the nearest houses. Nelson gave a nod to the __guards and followed us._

_We reached one of the houses and went inside. It was Laura's.  
__She eased me over to the living room before she looked behind her at Nelson._

"_I got it." _

_Nelson gave her a nod and left._

_Laura placed me down on the couch and sat next to me. I lent forward while I hugged myself. I was still sniffling and pushing back tears, Laura's eyes were kinda' red as well. I'd never seen her cry before. She was a tough woman, she was a lot like Tess, actually. I didn't really like her, but that was just because I knew she liked Joel, and she calls me kid all the time. Maybe there was someone else behind that, someone I was too angry to see.  
__She stripped off her blue, puffy body warmer and threw it on the other side of the living room, showing her gray shirt._

_I quickly looked away when she caught me staring at her._

"_Look...Ellie." _

_That was a nice change from 'kid'. _

"_I can't imagine what your feeling right now." She lent forward with me and placed her hand on my shoulder. _

_"You gotta' understand; their camp is ages away." _

"_I know every fucking reason why we can't go there!" I snapped. _

_This women had taken me into her home and was being nice to me but I couldn't control my anger, when ever anybody brung up Joel, I would lose it._

_She let out a deep exhale and rubbed my shoulder. "I'm sorry. I miss im' too." _

_I felt anger again. I wanted to scream at her, but when I looked at her face I saw sincerity and sadness. I thought she just wanted Joel for pleasure but he was more to her than just that. _

"_I wish he was here so bad." I said._

_Laura moved her hand to my back and started to blink away tears. Even her strong Boston accent couldn't cover the sombre in her voice. _

"_I do too."_

_Silence rose so Laura tried to lighten the mood. _

"_You and Joel had a good time together though, didn't you?" She said more than she asked._

"_Y-Yeah, I guess. I wish I just could have told him, though." _

"_Told him, what?" She continued sweetly._

_I realized what I said and my mind raced for a good excuse. _

"_U__h..." Slipped out my mouth._

_Laura looked at me kindly but was slightly confused._

"_You can tell me, Ellie." _

_I didn't know if I should tell her. She had something for Joel too... He's gone now though, and I needed to talk to someone about him. _

"_I..." _

_Laura looked at me so nicely and with such understanding, I knew I could talk to her about it. _

"_I... I thought I loved him." I knew I loved him._

_Laura looked at me wide-eyed. I felt a bit self-conscious. _

"_Oh, Ellie." She gave me a deep loving hug. I was surprised, I thought she would want to talk about it but she gave me a hug. A warm, loving hug. It felt so good, I hadn't felt something like that since... Joel was around. I reluctantly wrapped my arms around her back. _

"_Now why don't you tell me about 'The Adventures of Joel and Ellie'?" She said jokingly as she pulled away. _

_That was a good night. I told Laura about the funny stories and the things that happened with Joel on our journey. She dropped me back to Maria's later that night. _

_I guess it was kinda' good that she stopped me. I only took my pistol, a couple materials and a bit of food, and the camp is 'ages' away. Even if I got to the camp and Joel was alive, how could I get him out? I would have died, it's better this way. _

Ellie layed back on her bed.

_He taught me how to survive. He was a mentor, he was a partner, he was a friend, and I'll never forget him. _

**Hey! Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I would love if you gave me a review about how I can improve, thanks! More drama and lemons coming soon.**

**Title: ****He Was A Friend Of Mine ****By ****Bob Dylan**


	12. I Know What You Are

(Joel)

Joel stumbled through the dark town. He had been walking all day. He felt his feet bleed in his shoes but he carried on.

It was late now and Joel really needed a rest. He had been tied up for days, underfed, and shot at, yet he was still walking. Joel's mind was blank, he didn't focus on the pain.

Joel slipped over his own feet and lazily fell to the ground, breaking him out his trance. Joel finally felt the surge of pain that he had been ignoring.

"Shit..." He tried to say but his throat was too dry so it just came out as a moan.

Joel pulled himself onto his hands and knees. His arms were shaking from the pain.

_Can't just sleep in the fuckin' road. _He thought.

Joel looked up and spotted a open convenience store. He pushed himself up and stumbled towards it.

He kicked the door open. When he entered he didn't smell or hear any infected. The shop was mostly looted apart from a the half bottle of vodka on the floor with a smashed bottle next to it. When Joel picked it up, it was sticky from where the other bottle's contents must have got over it, the glass from the smashed bottle was stuck to it as well. Joel tore the cap off it and necked the whole bottle.

Joel made his way upstairs, moving along the wall to support himself.

There was a little office upstairs but Joel didn't notice that, all he noticed was the couch in the room. He felt like he was about to pass out. He pushed off the wall with all the strength he had left, stumbling over to the couch before slamming himself down onto it.

(-...-)

"_Ellie."_

_There she was. The only thing that mattered in the entire world, standing right there, in front of me._

"_Baby..." I said as I moved my hand to her face. She backed away and looked at me... With disgust? What was the matter with her? _

_I looked at her questionably when she spoke. "I know what you are." _

_She turned around and walked away from me. No, I couldn't let her go._

"_Ellie, wait!" I called after her. She didn't stop. _

"_Hey! Can you just... Just please wait a second!" I heard my voice break with neediness. _

"_I'm leaving you." She said. _

_What? Why? Did she know? She must know? _

_I felt something inside me. It was a mixture of anger, loss and something else I couldn't name. _

"_Like hell you are..." I mumbled. _

_I caught up with her, walking directly behind her. She was just walking so casually, she wasn't hurt , she didn't care, she didn't care about me. No, she was just being stupid, I just needed to talk to her._

"Wait_..." _

_I grabbed her forearm and tried to pull her towards me. She instantly resisted._

"_Hey! Get off me!" _

_I didn't say anything. She was not going to leave me. _

"_You're staying with me." I said softly while receiving punches and pulls by Ellie. She was actually hitting me, why was she was scared. _

"_No, Joel! I don't want to!" She shouted as she pushed and pulled against me, trying to get my hand off of her. _

"_Please, Ellie stop..." I just wanted things to go back to normal, back when we made sense. _

_Her struggles became more desperate, like her life depended on getting off of me._

"_Please... Don't fight." I closed my eyes. I could hear her grunts and shouts._

"_I just want things to go back to normal, please baby..." She wasn't listening. _

"_Please..." _

Joel shot awake and inhaled a massive breath. He took a second to remember where he was. It was a bit of a risk to sleep so openly. _How long has it been. _

Joel sat up and threw off his pack that he was still wearing and stretched. He was trying to remember what happened.

"Oh." It hit him.

He looked down in shame. "Sweet Jesus..." He mumbled.

_I'd- I'd never do something like that to Ellie. What the fuck is wrong with me. _A massive wave of guilt swept over him. He remembered the way she fought, the way she begged for him to let go.

_I'd never ever, ever do that! It's just a fuckin' crazy dream, that's all. _

_Dream's are weird _Joel persuaded himself.

(-...-)

Joel had gathered some supplies and food then started walking again. He walked along roads and used the street signs to try find Jackson.

Joel had been walking along a highway for a hour, he stopped when he saw a sign. It said 'Jackson 200 Miles'

_Could' make that in about three days, if I pushed. _

Three days was too long. Joel hadn't travelled alone in a long time.

He continued down the Highway.

(-...-)

Five hours of walking.

_This ain't goin' quick enough... _

Being alone for so long would make anyone's mind wander, that wasn't a good for Joel. He had thoughts he had to keep undisturbed, but the loneliness was causing the thoughts to jump into his mind, before he quickly forced them out.

_That dream... _He couldn't stop the thought. He had to confront himself about it.

_Maybe it's a sign..? No, No! It's just a stupid dream. But what if it isn't... If Ellie wanted to leave me... About what happened... Would I really snap like that? _

Joel wasn't sure if he could control himself, he lost control when he was at the hospital and maybe it'll happen again.

_Maybe I should leave her... Maybe she doesn't want me to come back?_

He looked back at the path he walked down then turned back.

_No. I have to know. _

Joel's head raised when he heard gunshots coming up the road. He managed to avoid the little infected he ran into down the highway but he wasn't sure what he would do against people.

Joel pulled his revolver out the back of his trousers and hid behind one of the rusty, worn cars that scattered the highway. There were only a few cars on this part of the highway.

Joel peeked over the front car, he saw a man running in his direction. He was almost past the car Joel was behind when a bullet hit his leg, he fell to the floor and screamed in pain. A group of four people walked to the man. He was shuffling along the floor to get away from them.

_Marauders. Unorganized , desperate and under-armed. This will be easy. _

Marauders were just a small group of hostile survivors that would jump people for supplies. They usually didn't have the greatest equipment and they were usually easy to deal with.

The grey haired Marauder pulled out a pistol and shot the man in the head, splattering blood on the tarmac, his body twitching for a few moments.

"Shit..." The younger one said. He was only about 16. "No body deserves that."

"It's them or us." The woman clarified. The older man searched the dead body while the other man looked around with his pistol raised.

Joel could sense the nervousness in their voices.

He scanned their weapons. The two men were carrying pistols while the woman held a 2x4 and the younger man had nothing. But he noticed something else, Ellie was standing behind them.

"What the..." He whispered and hid back down behind the car, trying to process what he just saw.

Joel just walked out of cover with his revolver raised, hoping to see Ellie... but she wasn't there.

_What the fuck. _

The group saw him, shock was on all their faces. One man held up is pistol and Joel shot him through the head without hesitating. Joel pointed his revolver to the older man who was still kneeling next to the dead body.

"The gun." Joel said deep and aggressively.

"Okay, Okay..." The older man raised one hand in the air, he took out his pistol with the other hand and placed it on the ground.

"Take it easy." The older man tried to say calmly.

Joel kept space from the woman with the 2x4 in-case she tried to hit him.

He moved over to older man's gun and kicked it over to his territory.

Joel raised the gun on the woman. "Drop it."

The woman looked nervously at the older man who then nodded at her. She dropped it, the younger man stood next to her.

Joel was confused. _Where is she, she was right there._ He raised his head and looked behind them, Ellie wasn't there.

"Ellie!" He shouted. "It's me!"

The three looked confusedly at him, they were shaking from the shock of their friend being killed.

"Ellie, are you there!" Joel called out desperately.

There was no answer.

"Who are you talking to?" The woman fearfully asked.

Joel's confusion gave way to anger.

"Where is she!" He pointed the gun at her.

She raised her hands in-front of her and cowered.

"Where is who?"

"The little girl, what did you do with her!" Joel barked.

"You mean, Chrissie? We- We found her on the highway one day, she was all alone, she's back at the camp."

"Are you talking about the little blonde girl, is that who your looking for?" The old man asked Joel.

The sound of Joel's teeth gritting was so loud that they could all hear it.

"No. Quite pale, got reddish hair."

The woman was about to answer but was cut off by the older man.

"Oh... Yes, _that _girl." The woman looked over at him. "I know her, she's back at camp, just follow us back there and you can have her."

Joel had a good bull-shit detector, this was a poor attempt at a lie.

"Nice try..." Joel pointed the gun to his head.

"NO WAIT-" The man was cut off as the bullet went through his head. He fell back, his legs still bent and his arms fully stretched out.

"No!" The woman cried as she covered her mouth.

Joel raised the gun at her.

"**Where is she.**"

The woman held her mouth and stuck the other hand in-front of herself.

"Please, I don't know where she is!"

The younger man moved in-front of her holding a small sliver Derringer. He was shaking, pointing it at Joel.

Joel stared at him expressionless, he pointed his revolver in the air, he didn't want to kill him.

"Easy, son. Put down your lil' peashooter before you hurt yourself."

The younger man pointed it at him with more force. "Don't make me... I'll fucking do it..."

"Last chance." Joel firmly warned him.

The young man frowned and kept the gun on him. Joel's revolver was slightly raised already, he just moved it forward and fired. It hit him through the chest. He stared at Joel and gripped the bullet hole, his other hand with the gun in. He tried to steady himself and raised the gun up slightly, but he was too weak. He fell on his knees and fired the gun at the floor by accident. Joel watched him.

He dropped the gun and fell forwards, on his face. Joel walked over to him and picked up the Derringer. As he walked back the woman rolled over the dying younger man and held his head up. The younger man was spluttering and breathing harsh breaths while the woman cradled him. Joel walked over to the older man's gun and took out the magazine, he threw the gun back down, it wasn't worth taking. Joel looked back over at the woman, he was pretty sure that the young man was dead but she was still holding onto him. He was going to try and leave her alone, she didn't know where Ellie was.

As Joel walked past her he picked up the 2x4 on the ground and attached it to his pack. He left her and continued walking down the highway.

(-...-)

Joel broke into a old gas station along the highway. He boarded up one of the storage rooms and slept on the floor, using his pack as a pillow.

As he finally relaxed the thoughts of the day rushed back to him.

He couldn't help but feel guilty about that women, but she said it herself 'It's them or us.', Joel couldn't let them all live. His mind was settling on that when he remembered.

_Ellie..._

_I saw her, It was defiantly her. _

Joel layed on his back and put his arms round himself.

_I'm gonna' find you, baby girl._

**_Hey, expect some saucy chapters soon. I'd really appreciate a review, it helps me improve and keeps me writing.  
__Thanks. _**


	13. In My Daughter's Eyes

_Everything becomes a little clearer,_  
_I realize what life is all about,_  
_It's hanging on when your heart has had enough,_  
_It's giving more when you feel like giving up,_  
_I've seen the light,_  
_It's in my daughter's eyes._

_In My Daughter's Eyes - Martina McBride _

(Joel)

It was the third day of walking. Joel had only been walking for a few hours today, he was still on the highway. He managed to avoid all infected that he came across, he had a decent amount of supplies and he was probably a day or two away from his brother's but he couldn't get cocky now, he had to stay focused and low. He was open and vulnerable on the highway if he didn't pay attention to his surroundings but ever since those few...incidents he hadn't been able to keep his head clear.

His mind was riddled with those memories... the type of memories that should be lovely but were painful. The thoughts of the old world were always closed shut in the lock box buried then rarely touched but when he saw_ her_ the lock box broke open and the memories came flooding back to him. It made it worse that he was alone, he had no one to be strong for. It was only him and his thoughts.

_Long walks... lazy Sundays... Birthday parties... Those beautiful pale blue eyes..._

_Stop it!_

He shook himself out of his trance and looked forward. _Oh no._

There she was again, his other girl.

Joel's breathing quickened at the sight of Ellie walking in front of him, her back to him. He froze. He watched her ponytail gently bob up and down as she walked. He was trying to calm his breathing, his eyes moved down to her shoulder blades and then to the small of her back where he watched her hips and rear-end slowly sway as she walked.

_So beautiful..._

His face began soften as he watched her. Then it registered in his head.

_**She's**__ so beautiful, not her... __**Her face**__ is beautiful, I meant. _

He felt pain and guilt for thinking about her in that way.

_What the hell was that 'bout-_

He started to panic when Ellie stopped and turned around to look at him like somehow she knew what he was thinking. She stared at him blankly, fluttering her eyelashes.

_She's not real. She's not real. _

Joel was confused and self-conscious as to what she could be thinking. Joel's fists clenched and he gulped hard as he tried to cover his vulnerability with anger.

"Leave me alone." He uttered harshly.

Her stare never broke.

He wanted to badly to run up and hug her, to hold his baby girl. But he didn't, he couldn't, she wasn't real so she wasn't Ellie.

"Leave me alone!" He shouted.

She didn't even blink, let alone flinch.

Joel breathed out his nose deeply and unsteadily.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" He roared, closing his eyes and clenching his fists so tight that his knuckles went white.

There was only the sound of Joel's heavy breathing.

After a few moments moments he opened his eyes and scanned the highway.

_She's gone... She's gone. _

Just like what happened when he saw Sarah; he saw her on the highway, just standing there. He couldn't believe it, he thought it was her - he wasn't thinking straight. He ran to her and fell on his knees, she was just an arms distance away from him. But before he reached out he rubbed his eyes to wipe away the tears forming their. As he reopened them - she was gone.

He fell for it that time but he didn't this time. Even if it looked just like her - it wasn't.

Joel looked down and ran a shaky hand through his hair.

_I gotta get to Tommy's. _

(-...-)

Joel reached a small town just off the highway. _Finally. _He didn't have many supplies so this was a good place to look around and stock up. He trotted carefully around the town, stopping to listen every few moments.

_Nothing... _

He scanned the stores in-front of him and noticed the Convenience store.

_Convenience stores are always good._ He thought.

He moved the door but it was locked - or jammed. He pushed the door harder but he had no luck. Joel stepped back and kicked the door, making it budge slightly. He kicked the door with more force but it shattered the glass of the bottom panel of the door while cracking the top panel. Shards of glass sprayed everywhere with a loud smash.

"Ah, shit." Joel winced in pain, he had cut his shin on the glass.

He pulled his foot out the broken panel and lent down to check the wound when he froze, screeches came out of the small park behind him.

"God dammit..." Joel mumbled. He looked through the broken panel. Maybe he could crawl through it but damn, his leg hurt. He dropped on his good knee and was about to hurry through the gap when he heard the screeches closer to him. He was too slow. He turned around as three runners clambered out the small park and headed for Joel.

Joel didn't have time to curse again. He quickly picked himself up and raised his revolver. Then it was...strange... Life had turned...slow all of a sudden. Joel was looking down the sights of his revolver but he didn't shoot. He saw the runners spitting and gnashing as they sprinted towards him. But he didn't shoot. His brain was running normal but the world was slow, it was peaceful. He saw these monsters coming for him, coming to end him. But he didn't shoot. Maybe... he didn't have to shoot. Maybe this was his time. Maybe his time was meant for him a long time ago. This was it, he didn't have to keep fighting any more. Ellie was safe and that's all that mattered.

Suddenly two shots. Two loud ringing shots that pulled Joel from his daydream. Joel shook his head and looked. Two of the runners were dead, in-front of him. The last runner paused before it reached Joel to look where the gunshots where from. The runner's head flew back as another gunshot was fired. Joel watched the runner twitch while standing up before dropping to the ground.

Joel was in a trance watching the dark, infected blood ooze out the runner's head.

"Hell-o?" The voice was near but distant. Joel's eyes were locked on the creature that could have killed him.

"HEY!"

Joel was once again knocked out his daydream.

"Uh." Was all he managed as he looked up. Asian man in a brown coat and jeans, armed with a large, sliver desert eagle pistol was looking at him in confusion.

Joel lifted his revolver slightly.

"Hey, man! Chill out, I just saved you!"

Joel admired the runners on the floor again.

"You sure did."

The man scoffed. "Your welcome."

Joel looked at him, unamused.

"So..." The man looked around, his large pistol was still swinging by his side. He looked back at Joel.

"Whatcha' doing in my town?"

Joel raised an eyebrow. "Oh, your town?" He genuinely asked.

"Yeah." He chuckled. "Got myself a good set-up here."

Joel nodded. He didn't answer the question.

There was silence.

"Do you mind if I look around a bit."

The man tilted his head.

"Why?" He asked with a hint of aggression.

Joel holstered his revolver and raised his hands slightly.

"I'm running a bit low, that's all."

The man noticed the patch of blood that had stained his jeans and was leaking on the floor. Joel saw where he was looking.

"It's not a bite." The man's eyes met Joel's. "I got it from the glass."

"Oh right." The man had a cheerful smile. "You were a good distraction though." He joked.

Joel didn't laugh but he let a huff of air out his nose.

"Why don't you come with me and you can get that bandaged up?"

Joel looked at the floor and shook his head.

"I'm good, thank you."

He seemed like a 'ok' guy and Joel didn't want to waste his supplies, Joel had something else he wanted to do. It was probably a trap anyway.

"You really can't walk on that thing-"

"I'll manage." Joel interrupted.

The man took a step back and tried to keep the conversation calm and casual.

"Look, I know how this looks, random guy coming to save you and being nice to you..."

Joel's expression remained the same.

"You planning on staying?"

"Uh, if that's alright, not for long."

"That's alright. You can stay here, but your gonna need to give a hand if you are. So if you want to help out around here you gotta let that leg heal up for the night."

Joel kept a blank expression.

"So you mean to tell me that you live here, _by yourself_ and you are just gonna let me stay here if I help you out _tomorrow_?"

"I don't live here by myself, I've got a couple colleagues, just... Look do you want to stay here or what?"

It sounded like an obvious ambush, but the man could have just killed him already. Joel looked the man in the eyes. He looked at him threateningly. Joel wanted to break the truth out of him with his stare but all he found was sincerity in his eyes.

_Not like it matters if it's a ambush any ways. _

"Yeah sure, can I lay down for a second, sorry."

"No, no. It's alright. Come back with me-"

"No!" Joel interrupted.

The man thought Joel was unsure if he was going to ambush him so he gave Joel his space.

"Okay, man..." He said with a calming smile.

"Look." He pointed to a blue store, a couple dozen meters away. "Take this." He held out a dark bronze key. "It opens that store. Go up stairs, there should be some supplies, a bed and a med-kit.

He threw the key at Joel and he caught it.

"Heal up that leg and get some rest. I'll come get you in the morning."

Joel wanted to tell him not to find him in the morning but then he probably would deny him the store after that. Joel wanted some where quiet and calm."

"I appreciate it." Joel nodded.

The man waved his arm at Joel, to signal a 'it's nothing'.

The man finally holstered his pistol and stepped away from Joel. Joel began limping to the blue store the man pointed out.

"Need a hand?"

"I'm fine." Joel responded.

After a few moments of walking the man's voice came from behind him.

"Dillon."

Joel stopped and turned around to face him.

"The name's Dillon by the way."

Joel nodded at him.

"Joel."

Dillon smiled. "Cool name."

Joel snorted and began walking again, leaving Dillon behind him.

"Don't go in any of the other buildings by the way! There all trapped!" Dillon called.

(-...-)

_This is a good place. _

Joel sat on the... actually quite comfortable bed. The top of the store was cosy and nice, it was one of the better places he stayed at recently. He hadn't healed his leg, wasn't really any point.

_Dillon will probably be pissed at me in the morning anyway, no point in making him more mad by wasting his supplies. _

His leg hurt but the pain would be over soon. Joel stroked the soft sheets of the bed.

_Better get this over with. _

Joel reached into his pack and lifted out his revolver. He open the chamber - it was full, like always. Joel looked at the patterns of the rug on the floor as he cocked the gun's hammer.

_Ellie's safe. _He reminded himself.

_She doesn't need me anymore. I've done too much to her. _He ran a hand through his beard as he felt guilt well up in his stomach.

_And after the way I looked at her..._- Joel stopped his thoughts.

"Okay..." He mumbled, closing his eyes and resting the barrel of the revolver on his neck, just before his chin.

He thought his last thoughts of Tess, the old world, Ellie and Sarah.

Finally Joel's index finger slid inside the trigger hole.

Joel blew out one more shaky breath.

Joel was moments away from pulling the trigger when he heard a familiar voice.

"Dad?"

Joel's body tensed up but he didn't open his eyes.

"She's not real." He whispered to himself with a tight throat.

"Daddy... You promised..."

Joel couldn't help a deep frown. Tears began leaked out of his closed eyes. It had been so long since he heard that voice, he almost forgot what she sounded like.

"I-" He paused. She became real. She couldn't just be a hallucination!

"I'm sorry, Baby." He swallowed hard, eyes still closed. "I need to."

Joel was about to pull the trigger once again but stopped as he heard Sarah's breath hitch and hiccup as she breathed. She was crying.

"But daddy you promised you wouldn't!"

The tears rolled down Joel's cheeks.

"Why, Dad?"

(..._...)

"Why, Daddy?" Sarah cried.

Joel sat back on the couch while Sarah was snuggling next to him.

Joel put his arm around her and rubbed up and down her arm.

"Shhh. It's okay, baby." He whispered.

Sarah's breath hiccuped and hitched as she breathed.

"Why did she-*hic*- do it, Dad?"

Joel rested the side of his head on top of hers.

"I don't know, baby." He knew.

She always cared too much about what people thought about her. Obviously getting pregnant at sixteen destroyed her social life. When Sarah was born she felt like her life was over while Joel felt like his had begun.

"I miss her, Daddy."

Joel wanted to say 'I do too.' but even to comfort Sarah he couldn't do it. She betrayed him. She left Joel and Sarah by themselves. Because of her, Sarah had to grow up without a mother and all because she couldn't take people talking about her behind her back. Joel wouldn't have cared this much if she took her life when Sarah was first born but no. She had to make Sarah care about her first _then _take her own life.

Sarah understood her father's silence.

"Promise me, Dad."

Joel raised his head off of Sarah's and looked down at her.

"Promise what, Sarah?"

She looked up to meet Joel's gaze.

"P-Promise you'll never do that... what Mom did."

Joel felt a type of sadness that he never felt before. He place a bit of hair behind her ear before pulling her into a tight hug.

"Oh, baby girl. I promise I'll never do that. I'll never leave you, ever."

(..._...)

She let out a loud cry.

"PLEASE, DAD. YOU PROMISED!" Joel heard her cry furiously.

He couldn't take it any more. His eyes shot open. He saw his Sarah on the other side of the room crying her eyes out into her hands.

"Baby, please don't cry."

Joel threw the gun to the floor.

"Look, I'm not gonna do it, baby, I'm sorry."

Sarah's crying didn't stop. Joel got up to comfort her but he forgot to about his wound that had gotten worse, he fell to the floor in pain as his leg gave way. Joel picked himself up on his hands and knees and began to slowly crawl to her.

"I'm sorry, baby, I didn't mean to scare you. I'm right here."

Joel didn't realize the pain he was causing himself by dragging his leg along the floor. Joel's crawling was even slower and his vision was a bit blurry, but he needed to get to Sarah.

"Sarah, baby."

And then she was beside him. Laying on the floor next to him, her crying had stopped and she looked happy.

Joel made a lazy cheerful sound and dropped next to her.

He reached out his hand for hers but he couldn't quite find it. He gave up after a while and enjoyed his time with his daughter. Joel stared at her face for what seemed like hours, looking into those eyes. Those beautiful pale blue eyes were what kept Joel going in his life and they kept him going now. He was going to keep his promise, he would live and he would find light again.

"I love you, baby girl."

**Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I'll hopefully be uploading a bit more often. Please give me a review on how I can improve, if you can, it means a lot. Well... I'm going to get on with another chapter. There will be more romance later. Thanks. **


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